At pool, music blares from the house, Simon & Garfunkel’s “America.” Bilge is floating on an inflatable raft. Monk in bathing suit stands at deep end and drops himself into the water straight down, legs extended, he sinks to bottom. Camera passes through the water past Bilge then down and approaches Monk who is now seated at the bottom of the pool. Music muffled. Close up on Monk’s face and the camera rises, breaks the surface of the water and moves in on Nel and Bud who are on lounge chairs drinking beer.
Nel – We’re not driving to Santa Barbara to see Clarice.
Bud – No fucking way. It’s two hours in the wrong direction.
Monk (In pool, arms resting on deck, S & G’s “The Boxer” fills the air) – What if she comes here?
Bud drinks beer and shrugs.
Nel shouts to Bilge.
Nel – Bilge!
Bilge grunts, doesn’t lift head off raft.
Nel – What did you say to Clarice?
Monk lifts himself out of the pool. Kent approaches, hands Monk a beer. Bilge says nothing.
Kent stands facing Bud and Nel, next to Monk, turns, asking all of them.
Kent – Can someone now please tell me who this Clarice bird is?
Bud turns to Nel.
Bud – Hungry?
Nel – A bit peckish, yes.
Kent – Fuckin’ ‘el.
Bud – Double-Double?
Nel – Double-Double.
Monk – Double-Double
Bud makes circular motion with his hand in the air.
Bud – Three orange whips.
Kent shouts at Bilge
Kent – Bilge!
Bilge lifts his head.
Bilge – I can eat, yeah.
Kent – That’s not what I…
But Bilge has rolled off the raft and is underwater.
Kent – Oh, bugger the lot of you.
End Scene
Friday, December 5, 2008
The Magic Circus - Scene 5
Van pulls up in front of a neatly kept home in Pasadena. As van doors open the Beastie Boys sing “You’ve got to fight for the right to Parr-tee…” The music stops abruptly as Bud pulls key from the ignition. Bags pulled from van. Bilge walks over, points to house behind him with his thumb.
Bilge – Is this it, then?
Bud – Home sweet home.
Monk – White picket fence.
Bud – It’s a goddamn paradise.
Bilge – Where’s the missus?
Nel walking by speaks in country-fuck accent.
Nel – With her folks up in SAN FRAN-cisco.
Bilge – So, have you got a pool?
Bud walks past with bags and speaks to Bilge.
Bud – Yeah, we have a pool.
Monk walks by and speaks to Bilge.
Monk – AND a pond.
Kent is now approaching carrying a bag and his guitar, speaks to Bilge.
Kent – The pond would be good for you.
Bilge turns to take a gander at the house and the neighborhood.
Bilge – Sweet.
End scene
Bilge – Is this it, then?
Bud – Home sweet home.
Monk – White picket fence.
Bud – It’s a goddamn paradise.
Bilge – Where’s the missus?
Nel walking by speaks in country-fuck accent.
Nel – With her folks up in SAN FRAN-cisco.
Bilge – So, have you got a pool?
Bud walks past with bags and speaks to Bilge.
Bud – Yeah, we have a pool.
Monk walks by and speaks to Bilge.
Monk – AND a pond.
Kent is now approaching carrying a bag and his guitar, speaks to Bilge.
Kent – The pond would be good for you.
Bilge turns to take a gander at the house and the neighborhood.
Bilge – Sweet.
End scene
The Magic Circus - Scene 4
Van rolls up the Harbor Freeway through downtown LA. Theme from Rawhide plays. Kent and Nel sing along. Bilge looks out window. Bud smiles behind the wheel. Monk sits quietly.
Kent and Nel – Keep rolling’ rollin’ rollin’ though the streams are swollin’ keep them doggies rollin’ Rawhide, My heart’s calculatin’ my true love will be waitin’ be waitin’ at the end of my ride.
Bilge feels his phone vibrate, slaps his pocket, pulls it out shouting.
Bilge – Turn that shit off!
No one hears him. He pokes Monk.
Bilge – Tells those fuckin’ pricks to turn that shit off!
Monk (softly) – Hey you fuckin' pricks, turn that shit off.
Nothing happens, they keep on singing. Monk turns to Bilge and shrugs. Bilge checks number on his phone. The song ends. Monk hears Bilge speak.
Bilge – Clarice.
Monk – Clarice!
Bud and Nel hear Monk say ‘Clarice’.
Bud and Nel – Clarice!
Kent – Who the hell’s Clarice?
Nel - I ate her liver with fava beans…
Five notes of UB40 singing “red, red wine…” play on the stereo. Bud turns down volume.
Nel - …and a fine chianti.
Kent – WHO. IS. Clarice!?
Monk – You never met Clarice?
Kent – Monkeyboy, if I’d met Clarice, would I be askin' who she is?
Monk – Maybe you just like the sound of your own voice?
Kent – Millions of others do, too, mate.
Bud – Oooh, famous rock star…
Nel – No autographs, please ladies, I’ll fuck y’all one at a time, be patient, but I don’t do autographs…
Monk – Yeah, what’s up with that? I read you won’t sign autographs. Who are you, Bill Russel?
Kent – Who’s Bill Russell?
Bud shouts at windshield.
Bud – He’s the guy fucking Clarice.
Bilge shakes his head and hits redial.
Monk – You’re calling her back?!
Bilge – Bob’s your mother’s brother I’m callin’ her back. A man’s got needs…
Voice picks up from other end of the phone.
Clarice (muffled) – Hello, hello…
Bilge – Clarice?”
Pause
Bilge – Yeah, yeah, we just got in…
Pull away from Bilge to Kent and Monk.
Kent – So, once again…‘Clarice’?
Monk – It’s a long story…
Pull away to Nel in passenger seat, pulls GPS from day bag at his feet.
Bud – What’s that?
Nel – GPS.
Bud – GPS?! We don’ need no stinkin’ GPS.
Bud – (tapping temple) I’s gots it all right here.
Nel – Bud, my good friend, consider if you will our milieu. This is what is known in common parlance, as a bachelor party, at least in your vernacular. We from the antipodes would refer to it as a Buck’s Night, which, due to matters beyond our self-control, fails to capture the depth, breadth, and width of this debacle.
Monk – Emphasis on the depth.
Bud (to Nel) – Your point?
Nel – My ‘point’ is you’re gonna be bloody pissed. Soon, often, and well and truly. Then that little brain of yours won’t be worth dick.
Monk – Well said, well spoken.
Kent – Speaking of piss…
Bud – We’re almost there.
End scene.
Kent and Nel – Keep rolling’ rollin’ rollin’ though the streams are swollin’ keep them doggies rollin’ Rawhide, My heart’s calculatin’ my true love will be waitin’ be waitin’ at the end of my ride.
Bilge feels his phone vibrate, slaps his pocket, pulls it out shouting.
Bilge – Turn that shit off!
No one hears him. He pokes Monk.
Bilge – Tells those fuckin’ pricks to turn that shit off!
Monk (softly) – Hey you fuckin' pricks, turn that shit off.
Nothing happens, they keep on singing. Monk turns to Bilge and shrugs. Bilge checks number on his phone. The song ends. Monk hears Bilge speak.
Bilge – Clarice.
Monk – Clarice!
Bud and Nel hear Monk say ‘Clarice’.
Bud and Nel – Clarice!
Kent – Who the hell’s Clarice?
Nel - I ate her liver with fava beans…
Five notes of UB40 singing “red, red wine…” play on the stereo. Bud turns down volume.
Nel - …and a fine chianti.
Kent – WHO. IS. Clarice!?
Monk – You never met Clarice?
Kent – Monkeyboy, if I’d met Clarice, would I be askin' who she is?
Monk – Maybe you just like the sound of your own voice?
Kent – Millions of others do, too, mate.
Bud – Oooh, famous rock star…
Nel – No autographs, please ladies, I’ll fuck y’all one at a time, be patient, but I don’t do autographs…
Monk – Yeah, what’s up with that? I read you won’t sign autographs. Who are you, Bill Russel?
Kent – Who’s Bill Russell?
Bud shouts at windshield.
Bud – He’s the guy fucking Clarice.
Bilge shakes his head and hits redial.
Monk – You’re calling her back?!
Bilge – Bob’s your mother’s brother I’m callin’ her back. A man’s got needs…
Voice picks up from other end of the phone.
Clarice (muffled) – Hello, hello…
Bilge – Clarice?”
Pause
Bilge – Yeah, yeah, we just got in…
Pull away from Bilge to Kent and Monk.
Kent – So, once again…‘Clarice’?
Monk – It’s a long story…
Pull away to Nel in passenger seat, pulls GPS from day bag at his feet.
Bud – What’s that?
Nel – GPS.
Bud – GPS?! We don’ need no stinkin’ GPS.
Bud – (tapping temple) I’s gots it all right here.
Nel – Bud, my good friend, consider if you will our milieu. This is what is known in common parlance, as a bachelor party, at least in your vernacular. We from the antipodes would refer to it as a Buck’s Night, which, due to matters beyond our self-control, fails to capture the depth, breadth, and width of this debacle.
Monk – Emphasis on the depth.
Bud (to Nel) – Your point?
Nel – My ‘point’ is you’re gonna be bloody pissed. Soon, often, and well and truly. Then that little brain of yours won’t be worth dick.
Monk – Well said, well spoken.
Kent – Speaking of piss…
Bud – We’re almost there.
End scene.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
The Magic Circus - Scene 3
LAX terminal doors slide open, Monk walks out, wearing backpack and headphones, The Doors play..."LA Woman." Monk looks left, then right, walks toward International terminal.
Monk looks at his phone, text message from Bud reads:
“The Eagle has landed.”
Monk types “Roger.” as he walks.
Flash to screen of Bud’s phone. "Message from Mary Monk" Bud looks confused. He opens message “Roger” appears.
Pan up to Bud, smiling. Phone rings.
Nel – We’ve cleared customs.
Bud – Cavity search?
Nel – They found nothing.
Bud – Not even a soul?
Nel – Not for lack of tryin’ Where is ya’?
Noises in the background, voices. Scene shifts to inside of airport. Nel is dragging a suitcase with one hand, phone in the other. Behind him Kent, in Akubra felt hat, carries a guitar case, wears a large backpack and drags a big suitcase. He talks to Bilge who has only a backpack, but both hands are busy pulling the SIM card out of one phone and putting it in another.
Kent – …I’m not going to go two fuckin’ weeks without me guitar…
Bilge kicks at rolling suitcase.
Bilge – What about this fucker, eh, what’s in there, sheet music?
Kent – I play by ear.
Flash to Bud’s ear and the voice of Nelson coming through phone into said ear.
Nel – We have visual.
Bud hangs up, exits van. The Aussies roll up, start singing ‘Waltzing Matilda’ Monk is now in sight, too. He watches from a distance as the Aussies greet Bud with hugs and grab-assing. Kent keeps singing.
Kent – ...Up jumped the swagman, sprang into the billabong…drowning himself 'neath the Coolibah tree...
Monk yells from 30 feet.
Monk – You’re a walking cliché, Captain!
Kent – Monk! Get a dog up ya’!
Switch to Bud and Nel walking, Nel’s arm over Bud’s shoulder. They approach the back of the van.
Bud – You look like shit.
Nel – I feel like a hundred dollars.
Bud – Kangaroo dollars or real dollars?
Nel lifts bags, motions to van.
Nel – What’s this running?
Bud – Fitty a day.
Nel – And we’ve got it to Frisco?
Bud – ‘Frisco’?
Bud looks at Nel, who pays him no mind.
Bud – It’s all Monkeyboy let me cover…He got the rooms in Vegas and in San FRAN-cisco.
Nel – We’ll square up later.
Kent, Bilge and Monk are still standing on the other side of the van. A Midwestern-looking man walks by.
Midwest Man – You guys from Australia.
Kent – What gave it away, mate?
Bilge – (snide aside) – The reek of piss.
Monk watches as the Midwest Man addresses Kent and Bilge with a smile.
Midwest Man – Well, can you ‘put another shrimp on the barbi’ for me?
Kent – They’re PRAWNS.
Bilge – And you don’t barbecue prawns, mate. Chops and sausages. CHOPS and SAUSAGES!
They both turn their back on Midwest Man. Monk steps forward and speaks to the offended Midwest Man.
Monk – You’ll have to excuse them, sir, they’re, well, dicks.
Midwest Man – I thought Australians were supposed to be nice.
Monk – Only the nice ones, sir, only the nice ones.
The van is loaded. Bud is behind the wheel, Nel shotgun. Kent and Monk are in the second row. Bilge sits alone in the back.
Bud - Hey Monk. Did you know Mary's name shows up when you call from your phone?
Monk - Yeah, she bought the plan for two phones, we're indivisible, you know.
Bilge - Ain't that sweet.
The van pulls away from the curb.
End Scene
Monk looks at his phone, text message from Bud reads:
“The Eagle has landed.”
Monk types “Roger.” as he walks.
Flash to screen of Bud’s phone. "Message from Mary Monk" Bud looks confused. He opens message “Roger” appears.
Pan up to Bud, smiling. Phone rings.
Nel – We’ve cleared customs.
Bud – Cavity search?
Nel – They found nothing.
Bud – Not even a soul?
Nel – Not for lack of tryin’ Where is ya’?
Noises in the background, voices. Scene shifts to inside of airport. Nel is dragging a suitcase with one hand, phone in the other. Behind him Kent, in Akubra felt hat, carries a guitar case, wears a large backpack and drags a big suitcase. He talks to Bilge who has only a backpack, but both hands are busy pulling the SIM card out of one phone and putting it in another.
Kent – …I’m not going to go two fuckin’ weeks without me guitar…
Bilge kicks at rolling suitcase.
Bilge – What about this fucker, eh, what’s in there, sheet music?
Kent – I play by ear.
Flash to Bud’s ear and the voice of Nelson coming through phone into said ear.
Nel – We have visual.
Bud hangs up, exits van. The Aussies roll up, start singing ‘Waltzing Matilda’ Monk is now in sight, too. He watches from a distance as the Aussies greet Bud with hugs and grab-assing. Kent keeps singing.
Kent – ...Up jumped the swagman, sprang into the billabong…drowning himself 'neath the Coolibah tree...
Monk yells from 30 feet.
Monk – You’re a walking cliché, Captain!
Kent – Monk! Get a dog up ya’!
Switch to Bud and Nel walking, Nel’s arm over Bud’s shoulder. They approach the back of the van.
Bud – You look like shit.
Nel – I feel like a hundred dollars.
Bud – Kangaroo dollars or real dollars?
Nel lifts bags, motions to van.
Nel – What’s this running?
Bud – Fitty a day.
Nel – And we’ve got it to Frisco?
Bud – ‘Frisco’?
Bud looks at Nel, who pays him no mind.
Bud – It’s all Monkeyboy let me cover…He got the rooms in Vegas and in San FRAN-cisco.
Nel – We’ll square up later.
Kent, Bilge and Monk are still standing on the other side of the van. A Midwestern-looking man walks by.
Midwest Man – You guys from Australia.
Kent – What gave it away, mate?
Bilge – (snide aside) – The reek of piss.
Monk watches as the Midwest Man addresses Kent and Bilge with a smile.
Midwest Man – Well, can you ‘put another shrimp on the barbi’ for me?
Kent – They’re PRAWNS.
Bilge – And you don’t barbecue prawns, mate. Chops and sausages. CHOPS and SAUSAGES!
They both turn their back on Midwest Man. Monk steps forward and speaks to the offended Midwest Man.
Monk – You’ll have to excuse them, sir, they’re, well, dicks.
Midwest Man – I thought Australians were supposed to be nice.
Monk – Only the nice ones, sir, only the nice ones.
The van is loaded. Bud is behind the wheel, Nel shotgun. Kent and Monk are in the second row. Bilge sits alone in the back.
Bud - Hey Monk. Did you know Mary's name shows up when you call from your phone?
Monk - Yeah, she bought the plan for two phones, we're indivisible, you know.
Bilge - Ain't that sweet.
The van pulls away from the curb.
End Scene
The Magic Circus - Scene 2
Mary and Monk are sitting in their car in front of Alaska Airlines, Seatac. It's raining. Both looking forward in silence. Monk turns and leans towards Mary, she pulls away. Green Day is playing barely audible on the car stereo, “I hope you have the time of your life”
Monk - I'll call you.
Mary - Right.
Monk - Mary...
Mary - Joe, if you would just spend half as much energy on keeping a job as you do on those freakin’ animals...
Monk - I thought you liked Bud and Nellie.
Mary - (looks at him, pauses) It's not funny anymore.
Monk - It's a little funny.
Mary says nothing, looks ahead. Monk looks at her, then gets out of the car. Opens the back door and pulls out his backpack. Shuts door, stands at curb, leans down to wave into the window. Mary doesn't turn to look, pulls away from Joe. Monk stands and watches her drive off into the rain and out of sight.
Monk turns and walks into the Alaska Airlines terminal, doors slide open, he enters, doors close.
End Scene
Monk - I'll call you.
Mary - Right.
Monk - Mary...
Mary - Joe, if you would just spend half as much energy on keeping a job as you do on those freakin’ animals...
Monk - I thought you liked Bud and Nellie.
Mary - (looks at him, pauses) It's not funny anymore.
Monk - It's a little funny.
Mary says nothing, looks ahead. Monk looks at her, then gets out of the car. Opens the back door and pulls out his backpack. Shuts door, stands at curb, leans down to wave into the window. Mary doesn't turn to look, pulls away from Joe. Monk stands and watches her drive off into the rain and out of sight.
Monk turns and walks into the Alaska Airlines terminal, doors slide open, he enters, doors close.
End Scene
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
New Idea - The Youvie
It is just past three o'clock in the morning so take this thought with a grain of salt...The Youvie. You film scenes from my script and I'll link to them and vice versa.
I originally pitched this Magic Circus script to Gunn Productions, they did College Road Trip and Adam Sandler's latest, Bedtime Stories. The woman I talked to liked it, and asked to see pages, but has yet to get back to me (Hi Heather!). The likelihood of getting a movie made is pretty slim, the average pic costs more than $100 mil to do, so no one's going to take a flier on just any shmoe. However, anyone can make a movie. My 7-year old has made a movie. It was short and he needed help, but still you see my point.
Or maybe you don't.
Here's the challenge, get a camera, find some friends, film a scene and send me the link. If we get enough people making Youvies, we'll have a real movie one day.
It is now 3:26 and I'm going to lie down.
I originally pitched this Magic Circus script to Gunn Productions, they did College Road Trip and Adam Sandler's latest, Bedtime Stories. The woman I talked to liked it, and asked to see pages, but has yet to get back to me (Hi Heather!). The likelihood of getting a movie made is pretty slim, the average pic costs more than $100 mil to do, so no one's going to take a flier on just any shmoe. However, anyone can make a movie. My 7-year old has made a movie. It was short and he needed help, but still you see my point.
Or maybe you don't.
Here's the challenge, get a camera, find some friends, film a scene and send me the link. If we get enough people making Youvies, we'll have a real movie one day.
It is now 3:26 and I'm going to lie down.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
The Magic Circus - Scene 1
Suburban family home exterior, raining, Nirvana’s ‘Polly’ is playing, camera moves into house, music gets louder. Pan through house. The TV is on, no one is watching Spongebob, camera hits on blinking light of ringing phone, Mary picks up the phone and walks to Monk’s studio. Monk, wearing headphones, looks up, turns off music.
Mary (on phone) – Right. uh, huh, OK, Bud, yeah good talking to you, too.
Mary hands Monk phone and leans against wall of his studio.
Bud (loud enough so Mary can hear) – Monkeyboy!
Monk moves phone away from ear, looks at Mary. Mary looks back, arms crossed.
Bud – Loved the invite.
Monk pulls lavishly designed tri-fold invitation in front of him from side of drawing board, it’s designed like a circus tent, opened up it reveals times, dates, attendees for bachelor party:
WHERE
LAX
Monday 8 AM
Pasadena:
Monday Night, Tuesday Night
Las Vegas:
Wednesday Night, Thursday Night
San Francisco:
Friday Night – Rehearsal Dinner, Pacific Union Club
Wedding Saturday, Grace Cathedral, Nob Hill
WHO
Bud, Monk, Nel, Kent, Bilge
WHY
Why not?
The invitation is decorated with circus characters: a koala, a monkey, an elephant, a dog, and a rat in the straw.
Monk – The Aussies got it? (looking at wife)
Bud (deadpan) Ziggy zoggy…
Monk – I guess that’s it then…
Bud – We’ll just get married…T-minus-36 hours, my friend…
Monk – Roger that, I’ll see you on the Internets…
Bud – Roger. Over.
Monk hangs up, looks at Mary who is still standing, arms crossed, leaning against the wall. Mary takes a step towards him, leans down, holds up one finger.
Mary – You are not going.
Monk - Honey...
Mary holds up another finger, silences him with a look and walks away. Monk goes back to the drawing board. Doodling with his circus characters, they come to life on the page. His 8-year old son, Junior, walks in and leans close to his Dad to see what he was drawing.
The characters stop moving.
Junior - What's happening?
Monk looks at Junior, then back to the page, pointing with his pencil.
Monk – Bilge is training the rats for a roller derby bout. The Circus is creating a new act for a big, big show, but they're running out of money, and Joe the Monkey is running out of ideas.
Junior looks up at Monk
Junior – Is Captain Koala part of the new act?
Monk – Yes, Captain Koala is part of the new act.
Junior – Good. Then it’s bound to be the bomb.
Monk rubs Junior’s hair.
Monk – Let’s hope so, Mookie, let’s hope so…
End scene
Mary (on phone) – Right. uh, huh, OK, Bud, yeah good talking to you, too.
Mary hands Monk phone and leans against wall of his studio.
Bud (loud enough so Mary can hear) – Monkeyboy!
Monk moves phone away from ear, looks at Mary. Mary looks back, arms crossed.
Bud – Loved the invite.
Monk pulls lavishly designed tri-fold invitation in front of him from side of drawing board, it’s designed like a circus tent, opened up it reveals times, dates, attendees for bachelor party:
WHERE
LAX
Monday 8 AM
Pasadena:
Monday Night, Tuesday Night
Las Vegas:
Wednesday Night, Thursday Night
San Francisco:
Friday Night – Rehearsal Dinner, Pacific Union Club
Wedding Saturday, Grace Cathedral, Nob Hill
WHO
Bud, Monk, Nel, Kent, Bilge
WHY
Why not?
The invitation is decorated with circus characters: a koala, a monkey, an elephant, a dog, and a rat in the straw.
Monk – The Aussies got it? (looking at wife)
Bud (deadpan) Ziggy zoggy…
Monk – I guess that’s it then…
Bud – We’ll just get married…T-minus-36 hours, my friend…
Monk – Roger that, I’ll see you on the Internets…
Bud – Roger. Over.
Monk hangs up, looks at Mary who is still standing, arms crossed, leaning against the wall. Mary takes a step towards him, leans down, holds up one finger.
Mary – You are not going.
Monk - Honey...
Mary holds up another finger, silences him with a look and walks away. Monk goes back to the drawing board. Doodling with his circus characters, they come to life on the page. His 8-year old son, Junior, walks in and leans close to his Dad to see what he was drawing.
The characters stop moving.
Junior - What's happening?
Monk looks at Junior, then back to the page, pointing with his pencil.
Monk – Bilge is training the rats for a roller derby bout. The Circus is creating a new act for a big, big show, but they're running out of money, and Joe the Monkey is running out of ideas.
Junior looks up at Monk
Junior – Is Captain Koala part of the new act?
Monk – Yes, Captain Koala is part of the new act.
Junior – Good. Then it’s bound to be the bomb.
Monk rubs Junior’s hair.
Monk – Let’s hope so, Mookie, let’s hope so…
End scene
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